This year the big girl has them in her legs, some nights so bad they keep her awake, but these are my growing pains I’m thinking about today. The jump from three to four kids that me made just about this time last year has not been a smooth one. Yes my baby is gorgeous and wonderful and so fun and cheerful nearly all the time but he is also a baby and there are things they need like two minutes of quiet so he can get a little rest now and then. Mama’s also need it and silence, or even just not yelling, has been in short supply around here this year. The oldest girl is my constant shadow as she looks to me to see what womanhood and motherhood entail. The younger girl is boundless sound. Singing, asking, talking, tapping out rhythms, you name it, she’s doing it. All The Time. The older boy is in love. With horses, with tigers, with jumping, if it lives and breathes, he loves it and wants to live it to the fullest and act it out. On me. Right now.
I feel some days as if I’ve never slept enough. Like that’s a thing people talk about that doesn’t really exist. Like store bought icing that doesn’t taste like yuck. Like unicorns or bad babies or cups of tea that get drunk while they are still hot. Some days breakfast starts like a game of diner where no one asked if I wanted to play then progresses through a series of psychological exams. I’m particularly fond of the one where I talk and the children pretend they don’t understand the language.
These days are hard and often end with all of us feeling as if it has gone horribly with hurt feelings and sore eardrums all around and on those nights while Peter pleads, tricks and bribes them to sleep I repeat the blessings of the day to myself as a form of therapy. A chance to see the struggle as the blessing it is. An attempt to right the direction of my thoughts and to prepare myself for the next day’s dawn. So here on just such a night are the days blessings:
1. I ran a tried and true route that was difficult but not impossible alone for nearly two and a half hours this morning
2. I am infinitely farther ahead on my Christmas preparations because my helper monkeys indulged one more trip out tonight and proved very helpful indeed
3. My baby has the greatest laugh and never fails to share it
4. My younger girl learned a new skill this weekend that took patience and concentration, two things she finds quite difficult
5. My older boy can draw, like really draw. Amazing!
6. My eldest is looking for guidance as she grows older and she’s chosen me to look to
7. My husband is kind and loving and just crazy enough to attempt bed time ever night. Did I mention the big three all go to bed together? So brave.
8. I am here, alive and safe with my babies around me. I am loved and I love.
What are your blessings today and everyday?
(originally written mid-December 2012)
With a nod to Gretchen at hesowsandshesews.com